from blah to oh yeah…

Did you ever get that  feeling  you needed to change something in your life otherwise you will just fade away into nothing? You cannot put a finger to it but you feel it in the gut of your stomach. You want something or someone to change things for you. You get tired and depressed with daily chores and rituals. The 24 hours of your day stretches far too long and you just want it to end, hoping that tomorrow will be better than today. It’s not like you are in the midst of a crisis, but that is how you feel. Nothing gives you joy, worst, you feel just mediocre and dull.

Well, that was me. For the last 30 years of my life and counting, I was doing the same routine every single day. Do housework, go to office, come home again and finish up house chores for the day, then off to bed hoping that the next day will be more exciting, but really knowing it will be the same. Sometimes I would look at myself in the mirror and not recognition the person looking back at me. I am just a shadow of who I used to be.

I was in a crisis that only I knew about. I could not tell my family. How could I? I did not have the words to describe it. I was just one big blah. I love my family and they give me joy, but I felt used and abused. I wanted to do something more exciting but didn’t know where to begin my search.

Then I rediscovered the internet. I used to think  the internet was only for sending emails and doing research. I like playing some games online till I started to think that there could be something more for me in this vast universe of websites that can house millions of information, connect with friends, etc…

After working for a company for 22 years, I decided to take a sabbatical. But practicality dictated that I earn money while staying home. The internet introduced me to online job sites and I am now using one as a writer. I have always loved putting my thoughts into words but I never  realized I can actually earn money from it. I may not get rich doing it, but it sustains me and it gives me an awesome avenue to express a latent talent that was always there but never explored.

I love what I am doing now. Its something different and new. Initially I was  afraid to send out applications for fear of being rejected.  Then I told myself, “Don’t be stupid. These people do not know me and cannot even see me. What do I have to lose?” When I got  hired for the first time, the feeling was like my first kiss. It was exhilarating. I realized I can do this.

I will always be grateful to the internet. I love the anonymity. I love the many opportunities.  I may never go back to my old job again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: